Category Archives: Uncategorized

October 17 Pearl

October 17

I had a humbling experience today. I was fired by a patient and their family. They requested a different nurse. In my five plus years of nursing I have not experienced this.

I’m experiencing many different emotions. Shame, rejection, maybe even a bit of anger? I’m wondering what did I do? Am I losing my touch? I thought I was called to be a hospice nurse? Maybe not?

The reason given for not wanting me back is because I was emotional and making it harder for them. I was tearful and empathized with their situation. This was not received as empathetic, but rather as making it harder on them.

I’ve cried with other families before and never been perceived as making it harder? So its a bit confusing. I sure don’t want to become calloused and cold towards people’s experiences.

Just last week I had no emotions for a situation that seemed really sad to me. I wondered if I was becoming calloused? Now this week a situation touches me and I am empathetic and its received as making it harder for them?

I teach others that its not about what happens to you, but how you respond. My response tells me more about me than anything. I need to ask The Lord what is it you want me to learn from this and move on…

My Pearl today is that I will learn and grow from this and it will make me a better nurse and hopefully a better person. My emotions may be up and down, but its okay, The Lord has a plan for each thing he allows into our lives.

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October 16 Pearl

October 16

I was thinking about my son being twenty years old. I must be really old. Wonder what the next 20 years will hold for him? Marriage, children, career? I will be 63 in 20 years.

The older I get the faster time flys. I’m not sure where the time goes, but it goes no matter what I feel or how busy I am.

I still believe: For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. No matter how old we become the Lord has a future planned for us.

The older we get the closer we get to seeing Him face to face. Until then we can have a hope that there are good things in store for us.

Its easier for me to make it through hard circumstances when I have someone and something to hope in.

I see many people at the end of their lives and it gives me perspective. Reminding me that life is fleeting here today and gone tomorrow. I want to make the most of each day and love The Lord and love others.

My Pearl today is the growth and maturity that comes with old age. Maturity is not automatic, just because your older, but we all hope that as we get older we learn from our mistakes.

October 15 Pearl

October 15

I read these verses in Jeremiah that made me ponder the fact that The Lord may lead us into difficulty for our good, not for our harm.

The Lord had given Jeremiah a vision of good figs and bad figs and then he was explaining who the good figs represent.

I have sent them into captivity for their own good. I will see that they are well treated, and I will bring them back here again. I will build them up and not tear them down. I will plant them and not uproot them. I will give them hearts that will recognize me as the Lord. The will be my people, and I will be their God for they will return to me wholeheartedly. Jeremiah 24:6-7

These verses remind me of my many years of emotional struggle. Crying and praying and crying and praying, therapy and more therapy and shame from many people who would say, “Wilma your problem is you don’t want to get better, just think differently.”

Granted if we can change our thinking we can change our feelings. The problem with my situation was that my stinkin thinking was so deeply engrained it didn’t go away with one right thought. It took 7 long years of therapy and constant meditation.

Today was a reminder of how far I’ve come and how far my husband and I have come. My husband tore open boxes and put together furniture and lamps. I had no energy, I drug myself along and helped as much as I could, but I was out of emotional energy.

My husband has taken ownership and responsibility for our new house and its been a privilege to walk along side him as he is enjoying the journey. He opened a box of new cookware today and he was oohing and awwing like it was a beautiful piece of art.

I thought to myself, oh my I would never look at a piece of cookware and think wow that’s great. I look at cookware and see work. He looks at it and sees joy and a chance to be creative. I’m so very very grateful that he loves to cook!

My Pearl today is how far my husband has come as an individual and how we have grown as a couple. Its great to watch, learn and grow. Of course the fact that he is amazing chef is just icing on the cake!

October 14 Pearl

October 14

Today I can’t help but reflect on what I was doing 20 years ago. I was in labor. I had contractions while I was shopping at Sams Club in Champaign, Illinois. I would push the cart and grab the cart and hold on tight while I was having a contraction. They were 5-10 minutes apart and hard.

I drove the 45 minutes home and held on to the steering wheel for dear life with each contraction. This was back in the day when there were no DVR’s. We had this tradition of watching Home Improvement every night at 5:30 pm. So we packed everything and sat down to watch Home Improvement before we took off for the hospital which was in Champaign, 45 minutes away.

I was so very excited to meet my baby. My first due date was September 30 and then it was October 7. He wasn’t born until October 15 at 2:55 AM.

I loved being pregnant, I was never alone! Everyone was so kind to me and said sorry if they bumped into me. I was working as a server at Yoders, I worked through September 30 and then walked every day trying to shake the baby out.

I had been told to take castor oil to induce labor. It didn’t work, but my bowels moved.

My doctor decided to start me on Pitocin to induce me around 10 PM. I remember thinking I was going to die. I saw the headlines in my mind..woman dies in labor. I remember it as if it was yesterday. I was positive I was dying. Funny how pain can play tricks on your mind.

I’ll never forget when he was born and how the pain went away completely! The transition from excruciating pain to none was exhilarating in and of itself and then seeing his precious face and red hair. The feeling was like something I had never experienced and have never experienced again.

The joy of holding my son in my arms was worth all the hours of labor when I thought I was going to die. I didn’t know what it meant to love someone until I held my son in my arms and the love I have for him grows each and every day. Having a child is like having your own heart out there walking around without you.

My Pearl today is my son will be 20 years old tomorrow. He has grown from 7 pounds 4 ounces, 21 inches long to being over 6 feet tall and probably around 160 pounds. I was so immature back then, I wish I knew then what I know now.

October 13 Pearl

October 13

I read this C.S. Lewis quote this morning:

“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased. C. S. Lewis”

This quote gives me a lot to ponder. Do we settle for fake pearls when the real ones are available? How does that translate to our lives?

Obviously I’m not talking about actual jewelry. I’m talking about seeking out the very best in our lives and not settling for what feels good in the moment.

Most of the time we want whatever feels good right now. We aren’t looking at the big picture and how our decisions will effect us long term.

I can treat people with disrespect because I’m having a bad day, but if I keep doing this, my relationships will be empty. I will be left alone and empty.

If I care about others and am kind no matter what happens then over many generations I will build lifelong friendships that can not be created any other way.

If I treat others as better than myself and put other first than I will be full of joy. If I’m selfish and just want what I want and step on whoever to get it, life will be empty.

The deepest joy any of us can experience is knowing The Lord in the depths of our soul.

Philippians 3:8 Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ.

We can lose our possessions and lose our loved ones, but one thing no one can take away from us that brings us the greatest joy and inner peace is our walk with our Lord!

My Pearl today is the inner peace and joy that comes from knowing The Lord and knowing He wants the best for me and I will someday see Him face to face. Oh what a glorious day that will be!

October 12 Pearl

October 12

I had a melt down today. The stress has been building and building and I needed to explode. I laid in bed and cried my heart out to Jesus. Of course Reggie was right there with his soft tongue to lick my tears away.

Someday the Lord will wipe away every tear, but until than; there is Reggie.

Why so stressed? I guess its good stress buying a new house, planning contractors to come at a certain time and if one can’t make it, you have to cancel the next guy.

There is a certain order in which things must happen when building a house. Our little barn we ordered got stuck in the mud yesterday due to all the rain. So now the barn is not in the backyard yet.

Which means the fence guy and the sod guy need to wait until the barn is in. The barn guy can’t tell us when he is coming because the ground has to dry up. What if it starts to dry up and then it rains again?

Ugh! I want to pull my hair out. I know in the big scheme of things its not that big of a deal. Its just stressful. Its like building blocks if the bottom block isn’t laid, the next person can’t do their job.

My husband did a great job on the epoxy for the garage floor today. Which needed to be down 48 hours before we can walk on it or drive on it. Right now we can’t move anything into the garage or into the barn that’s not there.

I feel out of control and vulnerable. I need to be still and Know that God is God.

My Pearl today is that the Lord is in control and can hold me up when I’m weak and feel out of control.

October 11 Pearl

October 11

This verse is such a good reminder!: This should be your ambition to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we commanded you before. 1 Thessalonians 4:11
I have this plaque it’s always been over my kitchen sink it says dear Lord please help me this day to keep my nose out of other peoples business.
This plaque has moved with me from Illinois to Indiana to five different houses. This weekend it will move to the sixth house.
It’s hard to keep your nose in your own business. We hear how someone’s got a problem and curiosity gets the best of us.

Do we really care or do we just want to know the deep down dirty of it all?

It’s like when we rubberneck on the highway there’s an accident we can’t help but look.

I think the same is true when we’re trying to know other peoples business. It takes way too much energy to be involved in everybody else’s business

My pearl today is that I don’t have to worry about anybody else’s business, but my own. God knows I’ve got plenty to worry about.!