Monthly Archives: December 2016

December 31 Pearl

December 31

I did some serious decluttering in one room, my serenity room. I went through all my desk drawers and cleaned our papers from years ago. My closet had more 1994 college notes and paperwork.

I also found all my nursing notes. I couldn’t resist keeping some of the notes. Just in case I ever forget which electrolyte does what.. I threw alway all my pediatric and ob notes, because I really disliked that class. It was to much info to get in 8 weeks.

I found all my handwritten notes, including A & P I took online. I missed my A by ten points. I was so very very angry! I worked so hard. I kept the construction boards I did of each chapter. It was very colorful and I spent a lot of time studying.

It was a summer online course in 8 weeks. Never again would I recommend such a crazy thing. I had a sheep’s brain and a cow’s eyes set to my doorstep.

In the middle of those 8 weeks, I had a miscarriage. I decided that I would push ahead and finish. It was a bad idea. I suffered emotionally because I didn’t take time to grieve and my studies suffered and missed my A anyway.

I also found old journal notes and I would glance at it and throw it away as soon as I saw anything about shame. I kept the notes on what I learned from the Lord and the scripture that helped me.

I feel a weight is lifted to know that I don’t have any of the old journals anymore! I think my one closet produced 6 gigantic bags of paper trash. What a great feeling!

I’m ready for a New Year! This is going to be the year of jubilee! The song, “These are the days of Elijah” is going to be my theme song. If you look it up on you tube there is one that is sung by the military men! It gives me goosebumps! If you don’t get goosebumps, check your pulse!

My word for next year is “Shoulder”. The Lord is going to lift me up on his shoulder and give me a new perspective and a new shoulder.

My Pearl today is the joy of new beginnings. With the Lord every day can be better than the day before. I can change for the better each and every day.

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December 30 Pearl

December 30

The year is almost over, yikes. I’ve got to make the most of it. Most businesses do inventory the last week of the year. So I figured its time for me to go through closets and do inventory. See what I have and what I really need? I have a lot of stuff that has no benefit.

I have a hard time getting rid of things. I found my notes from the first years of college classes I took back in 1994! Oh my goodness. The notes I took were funny. I had a quote on one of my math notebooks..it said..Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill!

I wonder what math and making a mountain out of a molehill had in common? I would imagine I was overthinking it and the instructor probably told me not to make a big thing out of nothing.

I also found all my notes from the Dale Carnegie course. In my public speaking class I did a speech about taking the Dale Carnegie course and what it meant to me.

I said that it taught me to be the best me I could be. I mentioned that I wanted to make a difference in people’s lives. My goals were to go to church, go back to school and be a waitress. I accomplished all of those goals within six months of finishing the course.

The Dale Carnegie Course gave me the confidence I needed to do what I wanted to do. I learned that life was what you make of it, not what happened to you. I enjoyed the speeches I had to give and I discovered it came naturally to me.

My Pearl today is the joy of de cluttering. It feels like a weight loss.

December 29 Pearl

December 29

Today I watched part of One Thing from IHOP. I was able to hear Mark Maher leading worship and some great speakers.

One speaker asked a question to ponder…Do you know the Lord? She pointed out that what really matters is what the Lord thinks, not what I think or anyone else for that matter.

I have all the time in the world right now. I want to focus on what is most important. Some people take a month or two off of work yearly just to reignite their soul and spirit.

Here I’m off of work, but I don’t think I’ve been focusing much on what I CAN do, instead I’m thinking about all the time I’m wasting.

I was encouraged to get to know the Lord and let him know me. I think it was Moses who the Lord said he speaks to him face to face, like a friend.

I would hope that I can focus on getting to know him, while I’m sitting here, waiting. The most important thing I could do in life is to know and be known by the Lord. I can do that, while I’m waiting for my shoulder to heal. Maybe that’s exactly what the Lord wants to do in me right now?

Maybe he wants to show me something that he can’t show me when I’m busy. I’m going to start focusing on what the Lord may want to do in me, instead of what I want.

My husband and I were eating a great dinner he made of orange roughy, sweet potato and salad. While we were eating, we were simultaneously watching the speaker on the computer and so I was not telling him how great the food was. My bad..

Of course it was good and he looked at my plate and said, well you still have some fish, was it not good? I said of course it was good! So to make my point I licked the fish right off the plate with my tongue..because I was trying to listen to the speaker. I made my point! It was funny.

My Pearl today is perspective, the hope of gaining new perspective. I need to wait well.

December 28 Pearl

December 28

We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. 2 Cor. 4:7

I feel like a piece of fragile something, not sure if jar is a good way to describe me? It sounds like this verse is saying that I have a great treasure within me, which is the Lord who made a deposit in me and stamped me with his approval when he created me.

Its hard to imagine that anything such as a treasure could reside inside this body that seems to be falling apart right now. Its not healing as the doctor would expect it to and the way I would want it to.

I’m still waiting, in pain and waiting. The doctor wants to wait until next week to see me to re-evaluate. I want to reassess the situation right now. Do something, change something. Move ahead, instead we are standing still.

I am very aware that the clock is ticking and I’ve been off of work for seven weeks now. Which means next week when we reassess it will be eight weeks. Then if I have to do another surgery it will be even longer.

I have no control over the situation. I am afraid of losing my position at work. Yet here I sit.

My Pearl is that at this point I still have a job and I can get up and walk and talk. I will someday be able to return to work, just not as soon as I like.

December 27 Pearl

December 27

Today has been a day of pain that has brought me to tears a couple of times. I feel nauseated and slightly on edge, putting it mildly. I usually do really well with ignoring pain. Today I have been unable to do so!

I didn’t know how much pain I was in, until I had my steroid shot and had minimal pain for 36 hours. What happened at 36 hours? Well I was lying in bed and and I reached over to pet Reggie before I went to sleep and my arm lit up like a Chevy Chase Christmas tree!

It has not stopped since. Its as if a lightening bolt came down out of the sky and shocked my arm and the aftermath is that of a fire that is still smoldering. I keep feeling like I’m getting the aftermath of earthquake tremors from my shoulder down into my arm.

Its driving me to tears! Lord help me! I reread what I just wrote and I see that I’ve equated my arm pain to lightening, fire and an earthquake. Interesting I would say I’m feeling pretty lousy!

So what is the Pearl in the poop? I would have to say my Pearl is that eventually there will be an answer. Now the answer is more pain by having another surgery where they will cut off part of my humeral head and then place a metal ball and sew me back up?

Sounds simple doesn’t it? There are many people who live with chronic pain and there are no answers so my hope is found that in six months from now I should be able to say I feel better? One can only hope.

My Pearl is the hope that something can be done, eventually. The timing is up to the Lord. I surrender all Lord. You are enough.

December 26 Pearl

December 26

I may be overthinking things, but I have reason to believe I have a connective tissue disorder. I keep mulling around this latest problem with cartilage loss in my shoulder.

The Doctors words keep ricocheting around in my head …”There is not a lot of research on your shoulder issue, because it doesn’t usually happen until much later in life.” My injury causing a chunk of cartilage to sluff off is not typical at my age.

Then I start thinking about my neck and how at age 38 I had 5 herniated discs. That wasn’t normal either. All that and then I start doing the research on autoimmune diseases. I have a lot of the symptoms….

I don’t want to know if I have a connective tissue disorder. What I do want to do is love my body and not reject it. I have a strong reason to believe, call me crazy, but I believe that one of the contributing factors of autoimmune disease is that it starts in the mind.

What I mean is that if your mind rejects your body and hates your body for whatever reason it can lead to autoimmune diseases. Now, I have no proof of this, of course. Its just my hunch.

I was sexually abused as a child and hated when men started looking at me when my breasts developed, especially my dad. I felt disgusted and dirty, so I started hating my breasts, my body etc.

I don’t know if my hunch is right, either way I must ask the Lord to forgive me for hating what he has made..which is me..including my body. I am going to focus on Ps. 139 until I love my body. I guess this is my answer for what the Lord wants to do in me this next year.

I want to love who I am as an expression of worship and gratitude to the Lord who created me.

This is a very small comparison, but imagine if you made a delicious Christmas dinner and then everyone looked at it and said, oh how awful and disgusting! I think you’d be a bit hurt and disappointed.

Imagine how the Lord feels when we reject ourselves? He created us and fashioned us by His own hands!

My Pearl today is the Lord’s loving spirit prompting me to love my body. He will help me with this, I can not do it on my own. Thank you Jesus!

December 25 Pearl

December 25

Its Christmas Day! We decorate, bake, shop and cook all for this day! Its like getting ready for a wedding and then its all over.

Our pastor asked the question, “It’s Jesus’ birthday but we are all giving gifts to each other? Can you imagine showing up at someone else’s birthday party and expecting to get gifts for yourself? ” Kind of funny, never thought of it. I guess its true?!

I want to celebrate every day of the year that Jesus was born, lived, died and rose again to be our Savior. I love Christmas music and movies. Elf is probably one of my favorites. Buddy is so innocent and doesn’t know better which makes it very funny.

Today was day 25 of the attributes for the Lord and it was Everlasting Father, the scripture I chose was Isaiah 9:6: For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

How fitting for Christmas Day! All 25 cross’s hang on the tree now, along with the other decorations. Its a peaceful view with lights reflecting off of the cross’s. What a nice reminder to have a tree full of the Lord’s attributes.

We enjoyed two Christmas Eve services last night along with watching Die Hard. Today we had gyro skillets and opened gifts.

Its our first Christmas without mom and dad, since they now live in Florida. I miss them very much, but I’m glad they are warm.

My Pearl today is the love we share with our family and the promise of our Savior’s peace to share this season.