Monthly Archives: July 2016

July 29 Pearl

July 29

Today I was able to experience a beautiful death. I attended with our chaplain which always makes it more well rounded and complete. The patient was well loved.

Many people gathered to show their respects. At the end as they were getting ready to roll the body out, the chaplain said a few words:

To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. What a calming thought.

He also shared: whether we live or die we belong to the Lord, we are His. This was very comforting to the family as they are grieving. The Lord is with all of them as they cope with the transition.

After my day of work, I had a migraine and vomited for over 6 hours. It felt like someone had my head in a vice grip and I just wanted it to stop, but I couldn’t keep anything down to get myself to sleep. It was tortuous.

I had hoped to spend some time with my man before he left for Chicago tomorrow, but all that hope faded out as I laid in bed holding my head, wishing the pain would stop.

It’s a helpless feeling to lay in bed with a bucket, vomiting and holding your head for over 6 hours. I know what will happen tomorrow, I will feel like I got ran over by a truck.

The Pearl today is that I didn’t start vomiting until I got home from work. I was able to take good care of my patients and attend a death without any vomiting. Thank you Jesus.

July 28 Pearl

July 28

Today was a hard day. Mom and dad left for Florida this morning. I didn’t have time to think about it much this morning and process how I felt. I felt sad and empty all day, but it wasn’t until I sat down by myself tonight that I felt the pain and sadness.

For the last nine years I’ve been able to stop by and see mom and dad whenever I wanted. I got use to seeing them at least twice a week. We went to church almost every Saturday night together.

I really don’t have much of a relationship with my biological mom and dad and never have. So this is the first time I’ve had the experience of having a mom and dad and living close by.

Of course I’d get annoyed by some of their idiosyncrasies, but that is normal and I still loved them just the same. I will really miss just being with them and sitting with them. There is a gaping hole in my soul right now.

I know I can call them when I want to, but it’s still not the same. They are going to be living over 1,000 miles away. I can’t just up and go see them.

My son left for college a couple of weeks ago and now mom and dad left. This transition grief is hard. Very hard. I’m sad, but it’s not a bad sad. It’s good that my son is in college and my parents get to live in Florida.

The detachment is painful and lonely. Lord help me and show me how to grow in this good grief.

My Pearl today is that I have parents that I get to miss and love them very much.

July 27 Pearl

July 27

This morning as I was driving to work my back felt real sweaty and I thought, wow I don’t normally feel this hot? After about 30 minutes I realized my heated seat was on!

Mom and dad are with us tonight after selling their house and will be heading to Florida tomorrow. I’m sure going to miss them, but I know that mom will finally get to be close to her sister and this will be good for her soul.

I hope that dad will get to be more active and enjoy being outside more. All in all I’m hoping it will be a good experience for them.

I was thinking today how grateful I am that I have a job that allows me to walk beside those who are dying and their families. What an honor and I get paid for doing it!

I get to work hard and make money to help my son go to a private engineering school. I really need to be in good health over the next four years because I need to work all that I can to provide for my son’s education.

What a privilege to get to work at an honorable job and to have the privilege of supporting my son through college. I’m hoping he can graduate debt free. I want to give him a fresh start when he is done with college.

I noticed today as I was driving all the people in other cars. The looks on their faces. Most of them had this blank look on their face. You could almost hear their thoughts: good grief move, this traffic is driving me nuts, what am I going to make for dinner tonight..etc

I heard a thought in a sermon it was that our spouse is given to us for the grind of life. They are not the grind. A lot of life is just a grind, but hopefully our relationships are not.

My Pearl today is that I have a great job and a lot of great relationships in the middle of the grind of life.

July 26 Pearl

July 26

Today my head felt better after taking NyQuil last night. I still don’t feel 100%, well as a matter of fact I haven’t felt 100% for quite some time. Hah.

I like the time-hop on Facebook because just like today I would not have remembered that three years ago today I had my first neck surgery. I remember hurting a lot more after the surgery then I did before the surgery.

I had been told by many people who had the surgery that my pain would be gone post op.

When I woke up to extreme pain that brought involuntary tears to my eyes and my throat felt like I couldn’t even swallow my own secretions. I was shocked by the extreme pain. I guess no one told me that I would have serious muscle spasms after surgery.

Prior to surgery I was more numb than in pain. So although I hurt all the time, I was use to the pain. The spasms were an entire different kind of pain.

As I look back over the journey with my neck, I wonder if I had known that one surgery would turn into four, would I have still said yes?

I think the answer is yes, because the end goal was saving the function of my left arm. Had I not fixed the five herniated discs in my neck, eventually I would have caused permanent damage to the nerves in my arm.

Even after four surgeries and relieving the pressure off of the nerves caused by five herniated discs I still have some numbness. My nerve has not completely regenerated, but it is much better than it has ever been.

My Pearl today is the fact that I was able to have four surgeries on my neck while I was still young and recovered well.

July 25 Pearl

July 25

Today I am sick and struggled through the day. My throat is dry and feels raw. My head feels full and heavy causing me to feel dizzy and not sure where my head is set in space. I feel like I’m going to topple over at any moment, but I kept smiling and seeing patients and made it through a Monday.

I have a celebration to attend tonight and will go no matter how I feel. My friend is celebrating one year of purity and I am so very proud of her! It’s hard when you have to stand up and say no to a man you care about, but does not want to value purity before marriage.

So tonight we get to celebrate my friend and her strength, courage and tenacity. The Lord has given her the strength to value herself. This gives me deep joy no matter how sick I am.

I made it to the celebration and had a thumping headache, but I was there. Now I have had my cold medicine and am heading to bed so I can work tomorrow.

My Pearl today is that I can work even when I have a cold. I have friends to celebrate with. I have a job I get to get out of bed for. Thank you Jesus help me sleep.