Monthly Archives: March 2016

March 31 Pearl

March 31

Have you ever listened to your thoughts? Scary? I noticed today that I try to defend myself. For example: I didn’t like how someone was changing lanes right in front of me and then I looked up and realized I needed to do the same. I had to smile.

I was irritated and degrading this other driver in my mind, yet I was doing the same thing. I was quick to come up with an excuse for my problem. Well, I don’t usually drive on this road, their big butt was in my way etc.

Thank goodness I don’t express half of what I think because nine times out of ten I’d regret what I would have said.

Today just for the fun of it I told Siri he was dumb and he responded with after all I’ve done for you?

This week was my first week on my own as a home hospice nurse and it went really well. I am so grateful for the abilities the Lord has given me to use my brain and work independently.

Nursing is one of those careers where each nurse can be unique because there are so many different ways of being a nurse. Personality plays a big role. I love the fact that we can all reach the same goals with a unique stamp of ourselves on our work and delivery of what we do.

I think my brain is more creative when I’m given my independence to decide how I will reach my goals of taking care of my patients.

I read this today in Ps 39: 4-6

Show me, Lord, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is. You have made my days a mere hand breadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you.

Everyone is but a breath, even those who seem secure. Surely everyone goes around like a mere phantom; in vain they rush about, heaping up wealth without knowing whose it will finally be.

This passage is so fitting for hospice. I’m reminded every day of what matters, it’s relationships. When it’s all said and done its relationships.

The Pearl today is that life is beautiful in the moment if you stop and look for the Pearls. Even if life is not the way you want it right now, you can find a Pearl. The Lords presence and his peace are gifts that are worth more than billions of dollars.

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March 30 Pearl

March 30

Today I got mad at Siri on my iPhone. I was driving down the road asking it to drive me to shade land avenue. It wanted to take me to north Vernon or some other town.

So I bothered to push the button again and say: You are dumb! Siri responded with: I’m just trying to help. Siri is actually very nice. When I told him that he was still dumb, he said I’m still here for you!

Even Siri knows how to love unconditionally!

After yelling at Siri and getting responses, I laughed a loud belly laugh realizing that I had just had a conversation with a phone.

It reminds me of times when I have been very frustrated with automated phone services and they keep saying I didn’t catch that..and then I’d repeat it and finally after the third or fourth time of the automated service not getting what I said..I would yell at it and swear at it and hang up.

How silly is this to yell at a machine. Why do we do this, or maybe I’m the only one who has ever done something like this?

I would guess it’s frustration due to not getting what we want. I think this happens in many different areas of our lives: relationships, work and dreams.

The Pearl is that the Lord knows what we need. We can trust him in all circumstances even when we don’t know where we are going and Siri doesn’t seem to know either.

March 29 Pearl

March 29

It dawned on me today, just as my preceptor told me it would..eventually I would not let a person’s surroundings effect how close I allowed myself to get to them.

You see I have this thing about me. I am kind of a clean freak and a germaphobe. So I had told my preceptor that I probably wouldn’t get close to someone who lives in a dirty house.

She had told me that she couldn’t wait to hear the first time I looked past the dirt, allowing myself to get close to the patient.

Well it started to happen today and I didn’t hardly notice the dirt and clutter. I was focused on how the patient felt because I could tell he was struggling.

So I guess I have a lot of learning to do. A lot of growing to do. I can enjoy being clean and neat, but I can look beyond others clutter and not be bothered by it. This is huge growth for me.

I love when the Lord does a work in my heart and shows me his perspective. The Pearl today is the beauty of seeing beyond the earthly clutter straight into the heart of God.

March 28 Pearl

March 28

The day was full of Pearls. The greatest was watching the movie Miracles from heaven. My Monday night group decided to watch this movie together. It was full of hope, joy, sadness with lots of tears.

I was reminded how if we take notice we will look around and see many miracles, we just need to take notice of the positive instead of focusing on the negative.

I think the Lord wanted me to start focusing on the positive which is why I am writing about the pearls in the poop. It’s been great to think about possible pearls throughout the day. It keeps me focused.

Today my husband is 7 months sober and clean and has lost over 40 pounds. He truly is a changed man. I would never have guessed how different our life would become. Our marriage is a miracle from heaven. We have a relationship today and can dialogue about life instead of arguing and attacking each other, we now attack the problem.

It’s been a joy to see God at work. I know one thing, for sure, my husband didn’t change because of anything I did. He probably changed because I finally stopped trying to get him to change.

I gave up complete control and I really think this is key in any and every situation we find ourselves in. I became completely broken and realized that I had nothing to offer my husband. Now I am sure that I had nothing to do with his change. It was entirely his choice and all the efforts I put forth did nothing.

If anything, my efforts probably drove my husband towards doing what I didn’t want him to do. Funny how that works. Love means letting go.

The Pearl today is open your hands and your heart and close your mouth.

March 27 Pearl

March 27

Today was a beautiful Easter Sunday. The weather was perfect, not hot, not cold, just right. I was able to go on a bike ride and take the dogs on a walk. We got to have mom and dad here for dinner. They will be moving to Florida soon and we won’t be able to just have them over anytime we want. I am happy for them, but I will most definitely miss them.

The five year plan is for us to join them in Florida. For now we will stick around here and see our son through college and then see how things play out. I’m looking forward to doing hospice in sunny Florida.

Today I started the project of going through all of my son’s old pictures to create his graduation open house slide show. Wow, I have so many pictures, for now I’ve narrowed them down to 102 pictures. I don’t really feel I’m done yet.

I picked out some songs like turn around slowly, by David Kauffman. Forever Young, by Rod Stewart. All the songs that make me cry.

Now I need to get started with planning for the open house. My heart is sad, but excited for my son. He will be going to Rose Hulman where he wants to go and hopefully play baseball and learn engineering.

The Pearl is that my son is graduating from high school and wants to go to college.

March 26 Pearl

March 26

Tonight’s Easter service was so moving. One of the scriptures our Pastor talked about was: James 2:10 For the person who keeps all of the laws except one is as guilty as a person who has broken all of God’s laws.

This verse reveals the Pearl of knowing that I am not better than anyone else. Keeping this truth in front of me will give me a proper perspective of myself. I make idols out of food and material things and job status. This sin is not any different than a person who kills another.

I think it’s important to keep this idea in our mind that when we break one law it’s just as bad as breaking the entire law. The point our pastor was making is that the law was given to reveal our sinfulness. We aren’t able to keep the law in its entirety.

My take away from the sermon was that I need to rest in what the Lord has done for me and not try so hard to earn my salvation. This is an obvious statement that I can’t earn my salvation, yet without realizing it I do try to earn my gift from the Lord.

The Pearl today is that I am not better than anyone else and I don’t ever need to compare myself to anyone. I can rest in his finished work.

March 25 Pearl

March 25

Today being Good Friday I am reminded that Jesus chose to die for someone like me. A reject. The religious people couldn’t understand why Jesus was hanging around with riff raff. I am glad he wants to hang out with the weak and the broken and the screwed up, otherwise I wouldn’t have had much of a chance for healing.

The bible is very clear that Jesus came for the sick, the ones who need a Dr, not for those who think they are already good enough. This is good news for me.

I was reading about how a man with a shriveled hand approached Jesus on the Sabbath and the religious people were watching him closely to see if he would heal the man. Jesus, knowing what the religious people were thinking; healed the man right in front of them.

He did it purposefully to make a point. The point was that He is Lord of the Sabbath and it’s better to do good on the sabbath then be stuck on a list of rules.

I prefer to live by the spirit of the law instead of the letter of the law.

What I like about Jesus in this story is that he acted like himself no matter what the outcome was going to be. I hesitate to say what I’m really thinking if I believe I will be rejected. Jesus didn’t care. He did exactly what he wanted to do even if they were going to try to kill him.

I long to be this way. Keeping Jesus as the main one I want to please, not people. My Pearl today is that Jesus died for me, a lost reject.