Today we celebrate my husband is six months clean and sober!!! Also, he lost 11 inches over the last 24 days doing a cleanse. I’m so proud of him and so much has changed.
Six months ago when we had a fresh start my desire was to fall in love with my husband. There is a difference between loving your man and falling “IN Love.”
I think the difference is that in love involves more feelings and you smile thinking about your man and you are eager to spend time together.
Sadly we had reached a point in our marriage where this was not the case. However, now I am so glad that I get to see the Lord’s redemptive power through my husband. It’s a beautiful thing to see God work in a person’s life and see them respond.
As a child and teenager and actually most of my life I have felt a need to be superwoman. Like I had to find a way to do the impossible. Even when my body didn’t have any energy left I felt I had to be a slave driver and whip myself into shape. Come on Wilma you can do one more thing.
At 41, with adrenal fatigue and hypothyroidism, I really don’t have the energy to do what I use to. I still have the desire to, but I can’t.
I realized this weekend that I can’t do this life without my husband. I woke up to him cleaning and doing laundry and I was so very very relieved and it dawned on me that I really need his help to make this household work. I felt “In Love” with him, it was a great feeling!!
I learned growing up that I couldn’t depend on anyone and so I became independent out of necessity. I have decided it’s ok to need those I love. I’m not superwoman and I never was, even when I tried.
The Pearl is that it’s a beautiful thing to be weak, because when I am weak it gives the Lord a chance to work in my life. It also gives my husband a chance to be my man instead of me pretending I have it all together by myself. I need my man to help me run this household. I am not an island.
What motivates me and you? Is it to make an impression or trying to improve our image and get others to think more highly of us?
Tonight Pastor Danny talked about how most of us are trying to find the answer to our soul though social media. We create an identity on social media to get more followers and to find out who we are and to feel significant.
We need to find our significance before we post anything and get even one like.
I liked a quote he shared from A.W. Tozer: “There is hardly a man or woman who dares to be just what he or she is without doctoring up the impression.”
This quote pricked my heart. When I die I want to be known for being real and caring about others no matter what I looked like.
To be spiritual means I care more about what The Lord thinks than what people think. It’s nice if I have biblical knowledge, but that in itself does not make me spiritual.
The sermon tonight reminded me of one of my favorite scriptures:
One thing I ask from the Lord
This only do I seek
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life
To gaze on the beauty of the Lord
And to seek Him in His temple.
This verse reminds me that there is one thing that matters: To please My Savior and no one else. Now the question is can I live it?
The Pearl tonight is that we have a Pastor who reminds us of the Truth that sets us free! Thank You Jesus for Danny!
It was a challenging day at work. I was shocked to see how dirty my patients house was today. The floor looked like it hadn’t been vacuumed as long as he lived there. The windows were covered and did not allow any light into the house. The dirt not just covered everything but layered all objects.
Piles of clothes laid around the house and the table and coffee table was covered with clutter. I can’t imagine living like this.
I was grateful no one was home when I came home tonight. I sat on the stairs and sobbed as I looked around at my absolutely gorgeous house. Just this morning I thought I should really clean my house this weekend. After seeing the dirty house I decided my house really wasn’t dirty at all.
So the poop was definitely the dirty house my patient lived in. At first I told my husband I wasn’t sure I could find a Pearl today. However, I realized The Pearl is that I have so much to be grateful for with our house.
I have this thing about being efficient, in fact it’s a joke in our house. If my son has done something efficient he will say hey Mom I’m being efficient! I have preached it until I’m blue in the face, always be efficient!
Why do I feel this way? I am not sure except I really dislike wasting time. If I forget something at the store and have to go back twice in one day, I get real frustrated. I feel like I am wasting time and it just doesn’t settle well with me. I believe I need to be a good steward with my time as well as my money.
Tonight I had the joy of being efficient. I came home about 7 PM and by 8 PM I had made steamed broccoli, lentil soup and banana bread. I felt so good getting a lot done. I had also done well when I came home from work at 4:30. I took a shower, went to the post office and the grocery store, all before my appointment at 5:30.
I don’t know why it gives me so much joy to be efficient, but it sure gives me a feeling of satisfaction.
At my new job I’m trying to figure out how I will be organized and yes, you guessed it, be efficient.
I learned to multi-task as a server for 18 years and it has helped me as a bedside nurse and will help me now as a home hospice nurse.
Some days when we have a job such as serving we feel, what is the point of it all? I didn’t feel I had a career and some days the job felt too hard. However, now I see how the Lord was preparing me for my career.
In Exodus Moses would go into a tent and a cloud representing God’s presence would cover the entrance to the tent. Everyone else knew that Moses was meeting with God by the presence of the cloud so they would all stand at their tents and worship.
I am picturing this. Did they lift their hands and sing Glory Glory Hallelujah he threw my shackles in the sea. No wait they didn’t know Jesus yet so they probably didn’t sing that one. Maybe they sang Oh God you are my God and I will ever praise you, I will seek you in the morning and I will learn to walk in your ways, step by step you lead me and I will follow you all of my days.
Here is what gets me. The Lord would speak to Moses face to face as to a friend. Wow. I would love to be seen as God’s friend. How many times have I said, I wish the Lord would just tell me what he wants me to do, send me a fax or an email.
One of the things Moses prays for: If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. The Lord replied to him: My presence will go with you and I will give you rest. Oh this is a beautiful promise.
This would give us strength to go through whatever comes our way, if the Lord is with us and gives us rest, which to me translates as peace.
Striving is the opposite of rest.
I remember during the beginning of my healing, I would strive to just be done with healing. I would spend hours a day with the Lord thinking that if I spend more time with him today then I would be healed quicker and be done with the process. I could not rest.
The greatest predictor of mental health is the ability to rest. If your mind can’t rest, the chances of becoming unstable are very good.
The Pearl in my long 7 year healing process is that I learned to rest after I wrestled with God and my hips were disjointed, I finally gave in.
Today was a good day at work. I did some shopping after work and gave a couple of my books to friends.
One thing that is very different about working 8-5 , M-F, is that I come home and usually find a lot of work to do in the house that I wouldn’t ordinarily have time to do when I come home at 8:30 at night.
I can also do things such as set my glass under the water spout and leave it running..causing the water to overflow and pour out from under the sink.
I looked down under the dishwasher and saw that the carpet was wet. Oh great I thought, I soaked the cabinet under the sink. Sure enough I looked under the sink and found about an inch of water. At the time I was still in my scrubs and talking on the phone to one of my Amish friends who has to call me from a phone booth. So I didn’t want to hang up with her.
I had been unloading and reloading the dishwasher while trying to be quiet so that my friend would be able to hear me instead of all the clanging.
While being efficient I was letting my water run over and making a mess, causing me more work. So while I was still trying to be quiet I was bending over taking everything out from under the sink and soaking up the water, I started to breathe rather heavy from bending down and back up. I didn’t want to make her wonder why I was breathing heavy so I had to tell her what I was doing.
She laughed at me and I said well at least I’m cleaning the cabinet under the sink. I had been telling her about my Pearls. So, there was my Pearl, after making a mess I got to clean and organize the cabinet under the sink, all before 7:00 PM, while still in my scrubs. Glory Hallelujah it’s 7:30 now and I’m ready to go take a shower. The Pearl is that I HAVE a shower.
Today I was able to go out and see hospice patients with my preceptor. I saw a wide range of patients today. Some were unresponsive others were alert and asking about the dying process.
I found myself enjoying the time with families and the patients. I enjoyed the personal time with each patient without getting called out of the room, as would happen at the hospital. There were no alarms going off, no phones’ ringing, no call lights. Just sitting with the patients and hearing their hearts.
This job is so me. I feel in my element.
One patient, who had a lung disease, was asking about the dying process. He asked, “Will my heart give out and that’s how I will go out?” We could tell he was asking what exactly would he die from?
It’s interesting to hear and listen to each person as they are approaching death. When a patient asks the question as the one above, the question hangs in the air and everyone in the room holds their breath. The spouse is listening and tearing up as she hears her husband ask the questions. In those moments I know why The Lord called me to this job.
I let him know that this time in his life would not be the best, but we would make it the best possible time for him. The Pearl today is the joy of getting to care for those who are facing death and feeling vulnerable.