Identity Crisis

I am now 40 years old and I don’t think I am going through a mid-life crisis. However, I do think I am going through an identity crisis. I can’t work right now because I have a herniated disc in my neck that is causing pain down my arm and up into my head. Its very hard to hold my head up. I didn’t know my head with this heavy? But I guess it weighs about as much as a bowling ball.

With an ungrateful attitude and thinking that chiropractic care is not going to help, I flew to Denver, CO. this week. After four days I have been able to stop taking my valium and flexeril. Both meds depress your nervous system and leads to the patient having no desire to live and no desire to get out and do anything. I have been feeling this way and did not even realize how bad it was until I stopped taking these meds. I am now so grateful and ashamedly bow before the throne of God and say Lord I am so sorry for my bad attitude please forgive me. I don’t feel I deserve to have any healing if I have such a bad attitude. Thank goodness the Lord is good no matter if we are good!

So, your wondering when am I going to talk about this so called identity crisis. Well I was thinking today about how absolutely worthless I feel because I can’t work. If my identity and my value is based on my ability to work then this is an idol. Work gives me more value than the fact that I was created by my Lord Jesus. This is so sad and I understand why I have this problem in my life. I have never learned to really love myself and value myself and be kind to myself because I was created by the Lord and for no other reason.

I should not find my value in how I look, how I feel, how others think and feel about me, how much money I have, my job status, how well my child does in school or sports…I should find my value in the Lord and Him ALONE! This is my goal to strive towards! I hope in 10 years I can say I find my value in the Lord alone. I say 10 years because its more reasonable. After finding my value in everything else, but Him for 40 years, I can’t expect to snap my fingers and shazam I get it.

I am a work in progress, lets keep coming to the throne of grace to find our help in our time of need and he will gladly and lovingly help us!


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