Waiting is very hard. There are many people in the Bible that had to wait. I think of Sarah, especially, because she was told she would have a child and then when the timing was not her’s she took matters into her own hands.
I don’t want to waste my adversity and my waiting period. So I am going to seek the Lords face and worship him, no matter how I feel.
Our church, Emmanuel Church of Greenwood is in a series called adversity. Oh boy, can I learn from this series. We sang a song I had never heard yesterday and I have decided its my theme song for this time in my life.
Sovereign Over Us, by Michael W. Smith
There is strength within the sorrow
There is beauty in our tears
And you meet us in our mourning
With a love that casts out fear
You are working in our waiting
You’re sanctifying us
When beyond our understanding
You’re teaching us to trust
Your plans are still to prosper
You have not forgotten us
You’re with us in the fire and the flood
You’re faithful forever
Perfect in love
You are sovereign over us
This week is the first week I can’t work my job as a RN. The pain in my neck is too much for a 12 hour day of bedside nursing. On my last day of work, the pain caused me to have a migraine and vomit during my end of shift report to the oncoming nurse. I vomited all night and until the next day around noon. I had to make the hard decision to say I can’t work.
The hardest part of this is that the reason I have not had my neck surgery is because insurance denied to pay for it, even after my Neurosurgeon’s appeal and my appeal.
Now I wait, I am not sure what I am waiting for? I guess to decide if I will pay the cash price of 10 grand or will I finally get approval.
Right now my case is out with an external review board. I will know this week if they say yes or no. What will I do if they say no? Will I wait? After surgery I will be off for 6 weeks. So having time off before my surgery is extending my time away from work. Its so hard to think that I work in health care to give careful compassionate care to my patients, yet I myself can not get health care?
Something is very wrong with this picture. However, I am not God and so I will wait and worship him while I wait and ask the Lord what he wants me to gain from this time of waiting. I know the Lord is up to something in this time of adversity and its kind of exciting to wonder what good he is going to bring out of this?
Meanwhile, I wait…Wait for his voice to speak through the darkened sky..Speak Lord for they servant hears…